Monday, May 15, 2006


US Census Data (was: Re: growing wea

In article <>,

Then why not give full/sole custody to the now retired parent ? there would be no babysitter needed, no need to hand over cash to a whinning child woman.

Restructuring , for me, meant ordering my priorities to place my kid's needs for fiscal support and time with me over and above ANY agenda item I might have for myself. When I sat down and thought about things I realized that had I stayed married, because I had children that I wouldn't be dating, or have time for an extensive social life or complicated beauty regime  anyway, so why would I expect to have these things now ? I accepted that when I decided to become a mother, I also accepted the lifestyle that goes with it.

I also squared my shoulders, when I regained custody and accepted that my choosing to be a sole custodial mother carried with it the full set of parental responsibilities. I could choose to sit her! e, wasting my time and energy pointing my finger at my ex saying "it's not fair" or I could get busy doing what I need to do to build the life I want these kids to have.

Living in the past, living a life of finger pointing, blaming and judging my ex is a lifestyle I find depressing and energy draining. I have more than enough to do maintaining my own list of "shoulds" without worrying about his.

I work a combination of night/day shifts in health care. my hours average around 65 hours a week (more during high acuity on the unit or during the xmas season) My hours are rough at times on me sleep wise, but I've set it up so I don't go too long without, besides, how many parents are well rested till the kids leave for college.  

Why not work nights Kandle ? it pays better, is often less stressful, and you usually don't need to spend as many $$$ on work clothing.You could then take Overtime or a second job part time during your child! 's school hours. Alternatively, you could provide asleep, overnight childcare in your home for a third shift worker, (this is a good set up as the child arrives bathed, fed and ready for bed, and often, depending on where the parent works they are back in time to get their child off to school themselves in the morning, all you do is provide your sleeping presence in case of emergency and make sure the child is up, fed and dressed in the morning.

Why worry about (and bitterly resent) the lifestyle your ex is living ? You purport to love your child, to have placed that child at the center of your life, you're getting what you say is one of your main life goals...why would you bother wasting even a nanosecond of time thinking about what your ex is doing ? Having custody of a child is an honor,  a sacred priveledge, if anybody's missing out on anything it's your ex.

Why would anyone need a judge to order them to practice common sense ? You have a kid you want to spend time with, you need to earn a healthy living. The most practical solution is to work when the kids are asleep or in school and to arrange for a live in college student in order to cut child care costs. You do what you've gotta do and from my perspective spending even a split second looking to the courts to order my ex to solve my problems is not practical, productive or ethical.

Also,I'm not forcing anybody to abort anything, all I advocate is that the party who holds unilateral power to make  life altering reproductive choices also gets to assume full responsibility for their choice. Currently, only women( like you and I )have the legal right to decide how many children, if any we will bear and when we will bear them.. it doesn't matter if we're married or not or what our partners want, the final choice is ours. I really feel the full responsibilty is ours as well.




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